Archive for the 'posts from the toilet' Category

30
Oct
12

Realism for the Day #4

Hours in the day, days of the week, months in the year and years themselves are a wholly human construct that happens to coincide with the Earth’s rotation around the sun – and should be treated like any other man-made idea… That is with extreme caution, or preferably ignored completely. Other than being useful in arranging when you will meet up with mates at the local drinking hole or how many hours of daylight you have to hide away from still, it really is just a source of stress and aggravation that no one was meant to put up with. Blame modern life or the bastards that thought it would be a good idea to name days and call one of them Monday, but getting your titties in any kind of knot over where the rock we’re riding around the sun is, is only going to get you stretched tits.

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26
Oct
12

Realism for the Day #3

Anything can be forgiven with cake. Even if you don’t like cake, cake can and will make it better. If you cannot forgive someone after they have made and presented you cake, you are probably a sour, cynical, angry, dry husk of a crooked human being with a small black lump of shit for a heart and it is by sheer hatred for everything in this world that you live on…

even I want to have a fucking tea party with a unicorn looking at this cake!

26
Oct
12

Realism for the Day #2

On the cusp of the weekend you will be looking forward to at least 48 hours of overindulgence. Overindulgence in all the things that these fucking people will tell you is bad for you. They’ll do whatever they can to try make you feel horribly guilty by Sunday Night or Monday Morning – whenever it is you resurface from the orgy of stimulants, sex and food. Fuck them! Fuck that! Life is short, painful and generally quite pointless. You are not a special butterfly, so you will not be missed when you die. You are not a Dodo, we will not remember you 300 years after you’ve died out. You might as well make it as bearable as possible and squeeze some joy out of life. People will probably like you more while you’re drunk, cancer ridden and fat anyway.

24
Oct
12

Realism for the Day #1

Faith in a god is pointless. Faith in people is a shortcut to disappointment. Faith in ideals is like faith in people except you only have yourself to blame. So give up that last glimmer of hope and just take the beating life has in store for you. You’re welcome to try your damnedest to not shit yourself when you die but don’t be surprised if you do, because no one gets out with any dignity anyway. Faith in shitting yourself when you die seems to make a lot of sense.

09
Dec
11

posts from the toilet: an accidental work of social commentary.

China… the land of the rising sun. Wait, that’s Japan. So the land of Communism, human rights violations, cheap shit, and a profound, and sometimes hilarious, misunderstanding of Western culture. They often come out with weird products that are completely misguided, comically named, or almost naively ironic. An example of all of these is…

China, Chinese products, Misunderstanding, Brilliant

Obama Ballpens

Barack Obama, the first African-American President of the United States, who will undoubtedly go down as a historical figure, in his own time, is unknowingly lending his somewhat fading integrity and trustworthiness to a lowly cheap-ass ballpoint pen made in Commie China and sold in developing South Africa. Talk about globalisation. The pens probably don’t even write more than a few words before giving up and disintegrating in your hand. This brand of pens says so much about the times we live in, and the country we’re lucky or unlucky enough, depends on your feelings about SA, to be born in. A world-renowned artist or designer couldn’t have gotten it so perfect…

19
Oct
11

introducing: posts from the toilet

So I finally gave into Mega-Darth-Tron insisting I catch up to the rest of the internet nerds and get a phone that let’s me waste more of my life online. What was the very first thing I did? Take hilarious photos of animals… I’m all kinds of ashamed with myself today. Anyway here’s the photo. Let’s call this the first mobile post and just hope they get better.




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