Archive for the 'news' Category


On an unrelated note.

One of the reason I haven’t kept up with posting on here as much as I should is that I’m busy writing for other people… They don’t pay me or anything but I get free shit occasionally as opposed to getting nothing out of this except the odd compliment from half drunk strangers in bars and clubs. In addition to writing for other people, I’ve expanded my corner of the internet in a bid to start getting paid more for this thing I do with words. I now have a personal website/on-line portfolio!
If you’re inclined to the type of trash I talk on here, you’ll love it that much more when I’m actually trying…. Go see,


your cracker boycott is bullshit, honky!

Holy crap balls the middle class are in an uproar!


Seriously, a company’s hiring policies that are in line with the countries stance on economic policies shouldn’t be much of a surprise. If you are surprised, you’ve been sheltered by your little white-middle-class bubble and haven’t had to face the reality in this country yet. And that makes me hate you even more. You’re one of those people who got ushered through tertiary education because you had the money, and then landed a job or paying work because of all your white family friends fulfilling their nepotistic duties by giving their mates’ kids jobs or leads.

Yeah… I really pity you, you motherfuckers. You’re essentially the reason why most of the country’s wealth doesn’t move out of white hands. I’m not being a self-hating white person. I just call it how I see it.

It’s not like any of Woolworths customers were suddenly going to start applying to stack the shelves or run the cash register in their local Woolies. Most of them would be far too worried about one of their neighbours coming in and judging them.

How I see it is a bunch of pissy little bitches, are just mad because they’re being denied access to something that most of them wouldn’t have wanted any part of anyway and calling it “racism”. Admit it. Until you found out your white brethren couldn’t gain employment at Woolworths, you couldn’t have given a fuck. You would’ve happily let the people of colour stack them shelves and ring up your over-priced groceries for whatever wage they work hard for.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I hate Woolworths with more passion than I usually reserve for things that actually matter to me. Forget about the overpriced chemically treated, imperfection free, imported food products and clothes they sell to deluded housewives and fucking muppet hipsters, that don’t like the idea of produce that doesn’t look like it’s been photoshopped.

Actually that is my huge beef with them. They support this unrealistic perception of what food is meant to look like. They play right to the disconnection between the source of food and peoples’ understanding of it, that companies like Monsanto thrive on! If people realised where the mini-corn in their pre-made salad comes from, they might think twice about buying it. The exploitation of resources and people in getting that pretty little bland piece of pointless veg into your conveniently made and packaged dinner, I hope you choke on it! Oh and the cotton that went in to that lovely garment you got for yourself at such a steal. Yeah, human rights were violated. You might as well be running a slave camp. Think about that next time you do a little spin in the mirror and think, “My, I look might nice in this.”

And lest we all forget, Woolworths is not run and profited by people of colour. It’s not the black man getting one over the white man. It’s the white man using the guise of BEE to hire people for minimum wage. I’m not saying there aren’t a lot of whites in the same situation. I am one of them. I’m not going to outright accuse Woolworths of using policies like BEE as a way to exploit people either, but I bet it is being used that way by a company like them.

Frankly all this has shown is that the rich white man, who is the majority of Woolworths’ customers, is petty, ruthlessly arrogant, and stupid. One white person didn’t get a job, irrespective of the millions of other brown and, yes, white people who don’t get jobs every day. Yeah, you’re fighting the good fight. You fucking numpty ass holes. You embarrass yourselves and me, just for thinking you’re defending my rights.


Not ever, in the history of my blog have I promoted anything. Usually just ridiculed it in the guise of promotion, but here is quite a nifty little product, and it’s for a good cause. Plenty of bloggers and designers out there could do with a good notebook. In fact anyone who remembers what pens and paper do when brought together.


By Wash

A friend of mine has come up with a really cool idea.  It’s somewhat geeky (which had me interested from the start) and completely for a good cause, so I think everyone should get involved.

It’s called Human and it’s a cool little project where you buy a very nicely-designed, high quality notebook (called a Writable) and your money goes towards providing notebooks for underprivileged school kids around South Africa.

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Not News24

My pet hate, for quite a while now, has been News24. It’s a sort of news website that I visit, in my attempt to stay abreast of what the fuck is going on in the world. They are not the only site I visit, and I usually scan news channels too. I use so many sources mostly because, I like to, and because News24 is inept at its designed purpose, since most of the time your attention will be dragged towards some article under which a heated argument is taking place. First mistake on their part is that they allow people, just regular idiots like you or I, to comment on the news, with pretty much impunity. Secondly, they allow any old fuckwit with an internet connection to post opinion pieces on their site. This is not only fucking retarded, but frankly insane.

literally breaking the news. I doubt they were ever first though.

I can hear some of you shouting, “But wait, you do exactly that, you being the arrogant fuck that you are, posting your opinions all over the fucking internet!” I do, yes. Happily I might add. The difference is I don’t post my illogical ramblings about things I don’t understand on sites that are meant to give readers cold hard unbiased facts about what the devil in green pants is going on in our country and the world.

Why would you want to hear or read someone’s comments about the news? The so-called, man on the street’s perspective. It’s like listening to a fat old shirtless man standing by his fence talking to his equally fat old shirtless neighbour, spouting their views of current affairs. No! The very idea of it seems ridiculous, because they don’t know a thing about current affairs that I don’t! What they know is exactly what you’ve read fed back through their biased opinion. Can anyone really be surprised then when racists, extremists, the religious and all manner of social rejects join in?

the spear of the nation, Brett Murray,

this is what happens when the man on the street speaks… pointless!

I’m not going to blanket every commenter as being a fat old bias man, some of them may very well have a rather balanced rational comment to share. Some might even be woman. (My obligatory sexist comment for this post) Really though, those few people who know enough to make those comments are lost in the deluge of brainless opinion shouters.

The news had it right back in the day when the news was delivered via a newspaper, radio or television programme that offered no way for the public to broadcast their feedback. You got the facts, full stop. If it was discussed, it was done so with family, friends, co-workers, and occasionally strangers in the line for the bus. If something said was stupid or ignorant it only affected those unfortunate enough to be present at the time.

Now, these same people you avoided in the bus line and sat as far away from as possible have a platform to let the stupid fall out and be read by millions. There are no benefits to this. This person is not shedding light on a matter. They’re clouding it with their own bullshit. The only thing that comes of it is it gives your growing disgust with humanity credence. At least it does in my case.

Then we come to the blog posts…

I have this blog and I write for other blogs and sites. The people who search out the blogs I write for are looking to read the sort of stuff I write. (or if search terms are to be believed, “grannies to fuck”) My point being is, that what I write is not news or even entertaining to everybody, and I know this so I am not about to go on to a news site trying to get people read what I write!

half of my readership

the other half of my readership… and yes, they read my blog half naked wearing socks…

So, why the fuck, am I coming across blog posts on a news website? Is this news? Does this deal with the cold hard unbiased facts of current affairs? Is this person an expert in a field that I may somehow benefit from, from reading what they have to say? Will I understand anything about what’s happening more? Is there insight, intelligence, anything of value in this drivel that I am reading?

The short answer is, no! These people are writing, often with no style or any degree of skill, what they think. What they think, is utterly pointless to me. If you feel what you have to say is that important, start your own blog and dispense your brain farts to your heart’s content. I mean it. I am encouraging you to do it.

If you’re good at telling people what you think, after a while, you will get told as much by the number of readers you have. Eventually if you actually are good and it’s not just the person you fuck, the people who must really love you and your pets reading your blog. People will recognize your greatness and ask you to write more, and so your words will gain an even greater audience.

Your audience will have been earned, by perseverance, hours and hours of writing and a smidge of talent. You were either thought-provoking, relevant or entertaining. You were something. You weren’t just being a complete arrogant drooling pion who piggyback on the popularity and credibility of a “news website” to dispense your twaddle. I call you arrogant because you believed you had something floating around your soft head that everyone should read. You don’t. So don’t. Stop.

There we have it… Does this rant have a purpose? No… Not really. I had some time on my hands and decided to write this instead of work or wank. Just maybe you found it thought-provoking or relevant or entertaining. Perhaps a sliver of all three, I hope.


Introducing: Vandals Took The Handle

Holy fuck! People are stupid! I have yet again been solicited to contribute my ramblings to another site. Brilliant for me, not so much for the folks who hate the idea of a scum bag like me passing himself off as a writer. Decline of civilisation, here we come!

As to be expected I am rather fussy about who I lend my endless well of words to. The ones I am less proud of will never be promoted by myself in any capacity. I keep them as secret as possible. Like my various STD’s and the Tales of Fail that would serve as evidence against me in a court of law. Vandals Took The Handle however, is not one of those.  VTTH is as entertainment site, focusing on just about everything people do to enjoy a little escape from their horrible mundane existences.

The site only went live on Tuesday or something, and so far the response is looking good. The content so far has been top tier. Personal favourites so far;

the first half of an interview with the one and only Henry Rollins: link

And an open letter to cinemas about a film I’ve been interested in since I heard about it a while ago, Cabin In The Woods: link

I also put in my own piece, interviewing Durban’s most popular melodic punk band, Low Profile ahead of their new album launch this month: link 

See it’s all topical and shit… So follow the links, and check out where you can read yet more of my ramblings, opinions and hate speech plus some other people who actually know what they’re talking about too.


Bobby “Veggie Head” Parsnips brainwashes children!!!

It freaks me out that, in our modern age, religious nut jobs are doing their damnedest to fool future generations into believing in god and all the subsequent fallacies before they’ve even had a chance to think for themselves, perpetuating religious idiocy! This fucker you see below is coming to South Africa and stopping in up the hill from me, this month… I should be there with a sack of rocks!

look at this scum bag...

Who is this beast? This corruptor of childish things? This thief of free thought and curiosity? This fucking superstitious peasant teaching people how to brow beat children into a belief system that is more and more at odds with humanity’s progress? This is Rob Parsons. A lawyer… and a dispenser of lies and irrationality on behalf of the Anglican Church. He writes books like, “The Money Secret” followed by the fucking awfully titled piece of shit, “Getting Your Kids Through Church Without Them Hating God”. I’d be surprised if even a Christian didn’t raise an eyebrow at this dude talking about Christianity. I don’t claim to be an expert on the bible, but anyone with a year or two of Sunday school under their belt could tell you that Jesus, kinda the pivotal character in the Christian bible, made a rather big fucking deal about the rich going to hell, and the poor being blessed. Being poor = good, being rich = bad. How you go from telling people how to get rich, and then claim to have some expertise on how to get in to heaven, seems more than a little at odds even to the most gullible of morons.

worked for superman... not so much for jesus.

Bobby Parsnips, which is what I will call this ridiculous person from now on because a ridiculous man deserves a ridiculous name. Pushed out a turd. Called it a book. Then built a business around it, not unlike his other business which he aims at business people… You see, Bobby was doing corporate and business seminars before he started in on the ministry type stuff. It’s not a huge assumption to make, that he simply expanded on his seminar topics when he saw how lucrative the self-help industry was when aimed at Christians. All he did was tailor his offering to suit a different target market. A market that was already as gullible as 5 year olds and prone to believing twaddle, and a 1000 times bigger than that of businesses looking to improve the lives of their executives beyond office hours. Call me over cynical if you like, but to anyone with a mild sense of what marketing is about, that sounds just like smart business…

The shadiness of Bobby’s intentions aside, it is the very topic of which he is venturing to South Africa to speak on, is what has me slamming my keys and spitting. To me, if a kid ends up hating god, it just means they’re an intelligent, curious kid! They came to the only logical conclusion they could possibly reach, after hearing all sides, which is that religion is a fucking fairy tale for grownups. Old Bobby gets it wrong from the title, those kids don’t hate god at the end of it, because you can’t hate what isn’t real. You can’t have strong feelings either way about a fictional character. What they hate, in reality, is religion. They probably resent their parents… That’s just teenagers for you. Now what Bobby proposes is that the normal thoughts that will lead any normal kid to getting to the point of chucking religion out altogether, is to pre-empted these ideas, and have a strings of dogma and lies to dispel the doubts by using familiar things to kids, like Mario Brothers and “Hip” lingo… He’s loosing the fight already because I think if you gave a minor the old school platform Mario Brothers game today, they’d throw the game controller at our head.

Nothing regular about being a stup with feet

why is everything the christians design so shit???

Despite his badly thought out delivery, his message is still dangerous. Kids growing up in a Christian home, or any religious home for that matter, have a hard enough time shaking off their parents’ and community’s normalised beliefs as is, simply because of pressures to conform. Before you try tell me, “When kids get to a certain age they get a choice to either commit to god or not”, its bullshit, because the offer only comes up after being told from a young age they have to do this or that, or else they’ll burn forever, and way before the rest of society will let them make any decision that will effect the rest of their lives for a minimum of 5 years still. Questioning what they’re told about religion too much, gets them on the road to damnation or the more immediate punishment of disapproval of their folks. The religious go as far as to tell people that doubts about god are planted by the devil, to trick them in to falling out of favour with the man in the sky… It’s like a failsafe built in to religious programming to prevent the smarter ones from escaping. It teaches them to fear their own thoughts for fuck sake! Preventing kids from asking questions about anything in trying to understand the world around them is fucking criminal! It’s child abuse! It’s brainwashing!!! Here then comes this fucking Bobby Parsnips with his nefarious teachings, sold to parents, preachers and paedophiles willing to fork over the money, on how to nip those bright young minds before they catch on that their religion is one big farce.

If the tables were turned, and this Bobby “Vegetable Head” Parsnip’s were here to liberate young people from oppressive, backward churches, religious groups across the country would be bussing in to protest at the event. They’d be marching in the streets. They’d be gathering in their churches praying in circles and lighting candles. They’d be sending out chain mails that would circulate faster than dirty pictures of your girlfriend on the internet. What do atheists do? One fucking guy writes a blog post… Just goes to show… We atheists have got way better shit to do.

better than going to church

this is still better than going to church


durban is yours, and mine, and his, and hers,and those peoples over there too…

I hail from a city on the East Coast on the tip of Africa known to some as, Dirtbin but to most on the outside as just plain old Durban… You may have also noticed that my relationship with this city and it’s occupants is a bit of a dysfunctional one. Bit like an abusive relationship that neither one of us can bear to leave. I’m not the only one who loves this filthy city though, and in an inspired move, a few of them decided to create a site that attempts to explore, share and get other people that live here out to enjoy what’s going on. Despite my crude rants about this city being asleep most of the time, there is in fact a lot of cool shit going down. So with the common love of Durban I agreed to join in on the endeavour and add my particular voice to the mix. I also love it when people make shit happen, and since these guys mostly come from the hardcore scene there is a strong DIY ethic to all of it. If you live in Durban, do yourself a favour and go over and check it out, at very least you’ll be inspired to do something with your useless self, or just go out and get shit faced, in which case, I’ll probably see you as you barrel onward to that inevitable hangover. For those of you who just want to read the usual bile I spew forth you can still catch a bit of that on there too. Go read my latest review, and check out the site in general. It’s a goodie, and I’d never lead you down the wrong path… Unless I had designs on molesting you, which in this case I don’t. Promise.

DIY, Durban Is Yours

“At yet another dub-step party… Where did I go so wrong in my life? What choices did I make, or fail to make, that have brought me to this?” These deep thoughts plagued me for longer than I usually allow my brain to stay coherent. Turns out, I was a bit quick to start the introspective examination of my life. No matter what kind of party it was, it was a club banger if there ever was one. – Click to read more.

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