look like a kiddie fiddler!

It’s coming to the end of November, and thus the close of Movember. Meaning most non-pedos are itching to shear off their moustaches. If you live in a hole in the side of a mountain and only just ventured down to discover that humans have begun using things called, “computers” that connect to this thing called the, “internet” and just stumbled on here, I’ll explain…

I dub these cave hippies... Adam and Eve.

Movember is about raising awareness for cancers that effect men. What this has to do with growing hair on your upper lip, is that prostate cancer the most dreaded of cancers for men, messes with the hormones that make men “manly”, called Androgens. I’ll skip the technical stuff and just say that these Androgens make your spunk, and make you grow facial fuzz. Anyway, there is no cure but there are some preventative measures you can take. Eat your veggies, take your vitamins, and look after your cholesterol, and one that you should be doing already anyway, avoiding sexually transmitted diseases. The medications to treat high cholesterol and STD’s have been linked to cancer of the prostate.

Besides the obvious threat of clogged arteries and mangy looking genitals, you can now add, cancer threat, to the list of motivations to keep yourself relatively healthy. By the way, besides not pissing normally and fucking up your baby gravy production, prostate cancer will stop you from standing to full attention. That’s right lads, no more hiding the purple headed ferret in its burrow.  There is, however, another prevention method that I suspect will appeal more than those mentioned already… frequent ejaculation. Yup, from now on if you’re caught molesting yourself, instead of that, awkward eye avoiding until it seems like it’s been forgotten thing, we all do. You can now claim prostate cancer prevention. I think I just heard the wankers of the world cheer in unison.

He's stoked, she's amused, he's super stoked, and he's just figuring out that he's a wanker.

To sum up, we create awareness about prostate cancer by showing off that we can still grow hair on our faces… Kind of cruel, if you think about it. Never one to avoid showing off in front of those suffering from a dread disease, I had designs on growing a pencil moustache like John Waters. Most wouldn’t let Johnny in their barn near livestock, never mind passed the threshold of the front door and grant access to family pets, or gods forbid, children. That was my aim though. I wanted to be cool like J.W. If I can make it awkward for people to even look at me, I’m winning in my head. Unfortunately, due to some overzealous pruning, I ruined any chance of showing off my ‘tache and freaking out young mothers in malls. Hopefully next November, I’ll woo woman and intimidate men simply by showing up with my “mo” oh so glorious. If you still think that Movember is a load of shit. I just educated your once ignorant self, proof that it works.

Johnny Waters doing what he does naturally... Looking weird as hell.


2 Responses to “look like a kiddie fiddler!”

  1. 1 galvatron
    November 28, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Only jocks grow moustaches during November.

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