29
Sep
11

traffic and elevators, a few of my least favourite things…

I have a brand new relationship with the working world, one that I’m not quite comfortable with yet, but all indicators so far say it’s not a bad business to be in. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not advocating the 9-5 lifestyle. I’m just saying in my brief dealings with it it’s not the end of the world. It’s not completely horrible in that it crushes your soul as soon as you’re tethered to an office desk, but I’m not throwing out the possibility that in 10 years my eyes are going to be dull and empty where once you would have seen a sparkle of roguish charm.

If you hadn’t guessed the point of this yet, I am finally gainfully employed! It doesn’t sound that special, but given the fact that I was technically self-employed, which is just a sugar-coated shit sandwich way of saying unemployed, for just short of two years makes it a relatively big deal in my life. Coming from a lifestyle that was not much unlike my student days, it’s an adjustment trying to get in to the desk jockey routine. So far I can see a few hiccups. The first, and probably the most common, is sitting in traffic. I can see how road rage happens now. There isn’t anything more frustrating than having to head to work for the next 8 hours or heading home after said hours and have some inconsiderate, piece of shit, fucktard, wanker cut you off or pull some other spastic move on the road. I’ve only done this for a few days and I’m not sure how long I can keep that violent reaction looming just below the surface at bay. I find swearing loudly to myself and imagining the incredibly violent beating I would dish out helps though. I also try get in to a Zen state, I go to my “happy place” where I’m naked in a massive tub with beer and woman, before even getting in the car, but it’s usually shattered within two minutes on the road.

Another thing I’ve had to get used to is elevators. I loathe them! Metal boxes hanging by a cord, going between floors hundreds of meters in the air, on as primitive a concept as the pulley system freaks me the fuck out. I imagine stepping in to my coffin that doubles as a meat compressor every time I step in one. I work on the seventh floor and park on the fourth which means I ride the elevator up to the office and down to my car. Now twice a day wouldn’t be so bad, but being the severe nicotine addict that I am, I have to take that same ride back down to the parking, so that I can get me my bit of happiness fix out of a cig. I’ve worked out a routine that keeps me relatively content with my nicotine habit, but still requires me to ride the elevator 6 more times a day. The upside to my irrational fear is that I have reduced my box-and-a-half habit down to less than a box a day. Now I get to live longer fearing my worst nightmare of becoming an unrecognisable bloody smear, coming true.

Something else that I’ll have to get used to is sharing space with strangers all day, every day. My family, friends and those that I studied with, working on big assignment, will probably agree that I am not the easiest person to spend long, extended periods of time around. Mostly because I get annoyed, even with the nicest of people, and become, to put it mildly, a massive burning asshole! Patience with people is not a virtue that I posses. Eventually the mere presence of another human being grates my tits to where I battle to keep my seething contempt hidden. Thankfully though, in a room full of people, I can retreat to my desk, lock eyes with my screen, zone in on my writing and tune out any office banter that might irk me. I have already resided myself to not only put up with, but to accept people’s eccentricities and less attractive characteristics. We all have them after all, me being more guilty than most. Even with my short fuse with people after a while, I do actually enjoy working with people. There is something to be said about having another brain added to the task of trying to come up with creative solutions to stuff, and I am glad to have that around again.

Regardless of my reservations, I am seriously happy, like, grinning like a retard happy, and frankly a little more than relieved that I have managed to convince someone to hire me for the skills I actually have. It was getting past the point of self-doubt and depression to where I was getting rather used to the idea of being a disappointment to my family and an embarrassment to my friends. Now I can laugh at my mates who earn less than me, and tell everyone that called me a useless lay about to fuck right off. Brilliant!

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4 Responses to “traffic and elevators, a few of my least favourite things…”


  1. September 30, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Congratulations Russel!! Another great blog entry which I enjoyed reading 🙂


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