cure for insomnia comes to SA, but not to the sleepy parts.

Before we start today kids, I’d like to welcome all the new subscribers… Welcome, your day job must really blow…

The most boring band in the world is making the long journey to our Southern tip of Africa… I am so underwhelmed I want to punch myself just to make sure I didn’t suddenly slip into a coma. To even say I dislike the sounds of Coldplay, would be too strong. I can’t have strong feelings about something that bores the living shit out of me… When I think of Coldplay, my mind goes blank and my vision goes gray. They are literally the only band that I can say I thoroughly don’t care about. So following my list system, they are on the “hate list”, but only because I can’t say I like them in the smallest degree. I wish they stuck to playing Coldplay in sleep therapy clinics and in lunatic wards to keep the crazies subdued. Coldplay will pass through my country’s borders like a silent fart and I would not have uttered a word about it, until I noticed that they were not stopping within my city’s limits.

most boring band in the world

most boring band in the world!

Once again the “little fishing village”, without much fishing, has been sidelined. My heart goes out to all those sufferers of bad taste that will not get the chance to be bored to oblivion by the fatigue mongers that are Coldplay. Despite my revulsion of the idea of attending such an event myself, I do feel a little offended by Big Concert’s lack of consideration for Durban. That sort of crappy made-for-radio, audio prosaic, shit would go down a treat in this motherfucker.  They see fit to send out Lionel Richie, who hasn’t had a career since the 80’s, but nothing more contemporary? Do the guys at Big Concerts and the like, listen to East Coast Radio and think that is an accurate reflection of what the majority of would-be concert goers are listening to in Durban? ECR sounds like its run by a conservative old woman. Listening to that station is like going through your mothers CD collection. I won’t even start on the boring as fuck DJ’s who if they’re on-air persona’s are anything to go by are some of the most annoying people in the country. I haven’t listened to East Coast Radio in years. I’ve probably heard it on someone’s radio, but it didn’t even register and stayed firmly in the background along with the hum of air conditioners and woman talking about their feelings. They may even have changed their policies since I last paid any kind of attention to the station, but I highly doubt it. That sort of thing would probably be a bigger event in this narcoleptic city than if the Bluff suddenly broke off from the mainland and became an independent hostile state. It’s suffice to say, anyone under the age of 40 who listens to East Coast Radio is probably in a coma or being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment.

man in coma

the guy who makes coffee at East Coast Radio

Back to what I was saying, I noticed a lot of Durbanites bitching and griping on Big Concerts Facebook page about no tour date set for Coldplay in Durban. I also noted a lot of people from other cities saying it’s their own fault they don’t get big acts. I’ll agree it is Durban’s fault. The average Durbanite has almost no interest in music from what I can tell. If it’s not played in a nightclub by some toss who calls himself a DJ extraordinaire, when really all he’s doing is playing mp3s off his laptop, then most of you motherfuckers won’t have anything to do with it. It’s no surprise that the music at Splashy Fen, easily the biggest festival we have on this side of the Republic, has become mostly secondary to majority of the revellers. You could blast 5FM for 5 days and most of the attendees wouldn’t notice.

Now I don’t mean to criticize you Durban. Well, I do, but it’s to help you see the error of your ways as much as it is to insult you, if not more. I like Durban. I like how unpretentious and chilled it is. I like the hot summers and mild winters. I even like the unofficial nickname of Dirtbin. Surely though we could do with a concerted effort on all our parts to raise our general populations’ interest in things, not sport or drinking, a few notches. So even when a craptastic band like Coldplay come to our fair country, they consider stopping in to say, “Hi!” instead of only the likes of Bon Jovi and his utterly un-super, Superman tattoo.


11 Responses to “cure for insomnia comes to SA, but not to the sleepy parts.”

  1. 1 omanko god-o-tron
    May 11, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Im not sure what to think of this….
    it almost sounds like you want coldplay to come to Durban..

  2. 3 omanko god-o-tron
    May 11, 2011 at 11:21 am

    so your saying we need shit like coldplay for Durban to flourish??

    …so Durban is like grass??

  3. 5 DAz
    May 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Agreed . People in Durban are all stuck up commercialisms arse and if only they looked a bit deeper than their favorite radio stations they would find a world of amazing music that exists below that line of commercial bull shit . In Durban ignorance is king and shit music reigns supreme . I do like the fact that big acts are coming to Durban and people have the choice of going to watch their favorite band , but its not my favorite band and if my favorite band came to Durban ( Which will never happen ) only about 5 people will go to that show . I’m getting the fuck out of this piece of shit city A.S.A.P

  4. 7 gitm
    May 11, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    I rarely listen to the radio these days but every time I switch over to East Coast, as if by magic, the same fucking UB40 song is playing. It perplexes me. That being said, if this is a sincere reflection of what Durbanites demand of their local radio station, I have officially lost all hope for humanity… or at least whatever semblance of hope I had left for it.

    • May 11, 2011 at 5:59 pm

      Still playing UB40, are they? I wonder if any of the other regional radio stations get by, by not buying any CD’s past a bands greatest hits release from the early 90’s… Overplaying bands that were big in the 80’s is just one of many failings of East Coast Radio, but to lose all hope for humanity seems a bit strong… Bad taste never killed anyone so it’s unlikely a sign of the apocalypse.

      • 9 gitm
        May 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

        Nay I hear you, I am all in favour of a bit o’ ironic tackiness here and there. But even bad taste comes with (marginal) standards wouldn’t you say? I bet if bad taste itself were to hear Red Red Wine everyday for the rest of it’s life, it might throw around a few hysterical words too ;P

  5. May 12, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Durban has always been apathetic when it comes to shows. The greatest case being that the only Robbie Williams show in his entire world tour that didn’t sell out was good old Durban. Now I know he’s not your cup of tea but the man has his appeal. Tickets weren’t extortionate (I should know I went), there was nothing else on that day and the stadium was barely 3/4 full. So if RW doesn’t sell out in this day and age of commercialism, what chance does any smaller band have of selling any tickets in Durban? When it comes to music, Durbanites are so laid back they are comatose. It’s a pity and it’s ruining it for those who do love music. (or those who pretend to love it for one night)

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